the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
