She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
