when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
