Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
