she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
