Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
