I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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