I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
