just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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