so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
