I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
