I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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