So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
