well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
