The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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