Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize