I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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