I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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