Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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