ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
