I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
