just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
