Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize