Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
