I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
