she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
