When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
