By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
