I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
