I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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