Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
