Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
