i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
