It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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