i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
