just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
