your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
