Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
