Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize