i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
