i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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