i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
