There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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