He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize