remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
