This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
