Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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