Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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