someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize