Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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