I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
