so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
