In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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