new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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