Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
