i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
