Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
