I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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