when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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