I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize