Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
