mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
