well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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