I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would fuck him just for his dog
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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