sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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