Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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