imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
