I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
