I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
