hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
