Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize