I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The best revenge is premature balding
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
