paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
