My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
