guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
send nudes
from the living room?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
