If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
