We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
