it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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