Your tits are I can't wait for
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize