I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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