Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
