Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize