i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
