Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
