exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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