I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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