I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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