I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
