i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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