Betty ford says i'm here all night
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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