Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
